And We Can Dance
by Cold Toenails
Summary: A stupid, random little song fic I wrote for my beta because she saved me from failing a class. It's about Raoul and Erik on another crazy adventure.


**This one-shot song fic is dedicated to my beloved beta for she saved my life by helping me with a project for school. I love you Molly! This is for you! And it's set in modern time like in my Wal-Mart story, just because it will fit better.**

**I do not own Phantom of the Opera or the song, We Can Dance if We Want to.**

* * *

**S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y  
Safe, dance!**

* * *

"Erik and Raoul!" Christine screamed at her two bickering roommates. "Do you think you can stop fighting for one moment! You are giving me a headache!"

Erik and Raoul stopped auguring for a moment to look at each other. "No, no I don't think we can," Erik said.

"We just did," said Raoul.

"No we didn't!"

"Yes we did!"

"Both of you shut up!" Christine screamed, covering her ears. Their fighting stopped but only to please Christine. "I have fucking had it with the both you! I am almost on the verge of hating both you!"

Erik gasped. "You can't hate me! I am the phantom of the opera! You can't hate me! I have nothing except you and you'll be taking it away from me, leaving me with nothing! You can't do that! Everyone loves me!"

Christine blinked. "I don't hate you, I just hate it when you guys fight. Now I'm going to take some Tylenol and try to get some sleep. I want you two to find something to do with out fighting." And with that, Christine left to pop some pills.

Not wanting to disappointed the beautiful Christine, Raoul and Erik tried to find something to do. They sat in the living room, feeling rather bored. Raoul turned on the radio. It was playing the song _We Can Dance if We Want to._

* * *

**We can dance if we want to  
We can leave your friends behind**

* * *

The crazy techno beats surged through their blood and they got the urge to dance. There was no way they could stop it, they had to dance.

With the music cranked up all the way, they began to dance like white kids with Down syndrome. Sadly, their fun only lasted for a couple of seconds. That is when Christine came in, screaming at them to turn off that horrid music.

* * *

**'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance  
Well they're no friends of mine**

* * *

Feeling crestfallen, Raoul and Erik went to find something they could play with. They went to the bathroom because there are always fun and interesting things to have fun with in there. Erik was going through the third drawer, Christine's drawer, when he found a box. It wasn't just any box; it was a box of condoms.

"Hey, it says safety on it," Erik said. "Just like in that song we were just listening to."

Raoul stopped sucking minty toothpaste out of the tube. "By George, you're right!"

"Maybe if we wear these, then we can dance safely without Christine yelling at us."

"Yeah, how do you put them on?"

Erik and Raoul, not knowing what condoms was, took a couple out of the box and examined them closely. "They kind of look like balloons." Erik blew into one as you would a balloon. "Woa, that is so cool!"

"Yeah! It looks familiar though." They thought this over. "I know!" Raoul exclaimed. "It looks like one of those ones clowns use to make balloon animals. Blow a dog, Erik! Blow a dog!"

"Ok." Erik could not get it to look like a dog. "It can be a hot dog I guess. Now we have to find out how to put these on so we can dance safely." The boys hmed and thought about it.

"How about…um… down there?" Raoul said feeling embarrassed.

"No! That is just fucking stupid! Why would you want to put that on a penis?"

"I don't know! I was just suggesting!"

"I think they're gloves," said Erik. He tried to stretch one over his arm. It went up to his elbow. "Thank God Christine bought a box of extra extra large. Otherwise we'd be screwed."

"Yes, thank God."

* * *

**I say, we can go where we want to  
A place where they will never find  
And we can act like we come from out of this world  
Leave the real one far behind**

* * *

Erik took a portable cd player. After downloading the song off of Limewire and burning it onto a cd, Erik and Raoul were ready to go out. It was a nice day, a perfect day for dancing. Erik cranked the sound all the way up and they began to dance down the sidewalk with their fancy safety gloves.

* * *

**And we can dance **

**We can dance if we want to  
We can leave your friends behind**

* * *

They were almost off the block when they ran into one of Erik's new friends (or stalker) Greg. "Howdy-ho!" said Greg. "What are you guys doing?"

"Dancing," they said in unison as they kept on dancing. Greg fallowed them.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because only cool people dance."

"Yeah, would you like to join us?" asked Raoul who was having too much fun dancing that he forgot that he hated Greg.

"No."

The music stopped suddenly and so did Erik and Raoul's dancing. "What?" asked Erik. "What did you say?

"I don't want to dance," said Greg, slowly.

Raoul and Erik exchanged looks. "Fuck you, you aren't cool enough to dance with us."

* * *

**'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance  
Well they're no friends of mine**

* * *

"Where should we go now?" Raoul asked. They had already gone down three blocks. Now they were down town. Erik looked around.I say, we can go where we want to 

"Hey, there is a costume shop!" he exclaimed. "Let's go in there!" They danced their way up to the store still playing that one song.

* * *

**A place where they will never find  
And we can act like we come from out of this world  
Leave the real one far behind**

* * *

"Look, I'm an alien!" Erik screamed, jumping out of the closet.

"Oh my God! Where did you get that?"

"Over there. I think there's one left."

Raoul and Erik ran around the shop pretending to shoot each other with plastic guns. "Peeshu, Peeshu! I killed you!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"No you didn't!" Erik exclaimed. "I'm wearing a bullet proof vest!"

"You're just making that up! You don't have one!"

"Yes I do!"

"I can't see it!"

"You can't see Santa Clause but you still believe in him."

"That is because I saw him!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes, yes I did!"

A store clerk came up to them. "Um, excuse me, but you will have to leave if you are going to be acting like that."

Erik scowled. "Peeshu!" he said, trying to shoot the employee. "It's not working! Come, Raoul, let us rid of these costumes and run! Nothing can kill him!" They threw off their costumes and danced out of the store screaming.

* * *

**And we can dance**

* * *

"What should we do now?"

"I don't know,' Erik said. "It's getting a little late. It's almost dinner time."

"Who cares? Christine doesn't want us back anyways." Raoul said the last part in a sad voice.

"She still cares! About me at least!"

"No, she doesn't like us right now. She keeps yelling at us and she will yell at us more because of our music. And we cannot give up dancing!"

"You're right," Erik said glumly. "Where should we go now?"

"How about that snazzy looking dress shop?"

"Ok!"

* * *

**We can go when we want to  
The night is young and so am I  
And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet  
And surprise 'em with the victory cry**

* * *

Raoul and Erik stepped out of the store completely pimped out. They got some fancy suits (Raoul's white and Erik's black), some bling, and they both got a Fedora hat that matched their suits. Feeling all spiffy in their new outfits, Erik and Raoul danced harder and whiter then they had ever danced before.

* * *

**Say, we can act if want to  
If we don't nobody will  
And you can act real rude and totally removed  
And I can act like an imbecile**

* * *

People stared at them as they walked by. "What are you doing?" a little girl with blonde pigtails asked.

"Dancing, can't you see that?"

"Honey, what did I tell you," her mother said as she led them away. "Don't talk to gay people that are dancing to horrible eighties songs."

"Hey," Erik shouted at her. "This song is not horrible! It's some kind of wonderful!"

"And we aren't gay!"

Or are they?

* * *

**I say, we can dance, we can dance  
Everything out of control  
We can dance, we can dance  
We're doing it from wall to wall  
We can dance, we can dance**

**Everybody look at your hands**

* * *

"Hey, Erik," Raoul said.

"What?"

"There's something on your hands."

"Where?" Erik exclaimed, looking at his hands.

"That green stuff."

"Oh, I must have gotten it from that costume place."

"Wow."

* * *

**We can dance, we can dance  
Everybody look at your hands  
We can dance, we can dance  
Everybody takin' the cha-a-a-ance**

* * *

"Are you ready?"

"Are you sure this is safe, Erik?"

"Yes I'm sure." The pair was standing on the top of a high building. They wanted to see how long you could dance being suspended in the air like they had seen on a cartoon once. "It will be fun."

"Ok then."

They stepped, or danced, off the ledge. They fell almost immediately. "Erik, you lied!" The two almost made it to the ground when their condom gloves got stuck on a couple of flag poles sticking out.

* * *

**Safety dance  
Is it safe to dance  
Is it safe to dance**

**S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y  
Safe, dance!**

* * *

"I told you these would save us," Erik sang as they danced along. This time it was on the sidewalk once they realized that gravity only does not exists in cartoons. Or in fan fiction, but not this one.

* * *

**We can dance if we want to  
We've got all your life and mine  
As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it**

**Everything'll work out right**

* * *

"I think we should go back now."

"Yeah, we've already been around town twice."

"And I'm hungry."

"That too."

* * *

The guys went back to their apartment. Christine was still in her room, sleeping. The boys had forgotten about Christine. They came dancing in with their loud music playing.

Christine stormed into the living room. She marched right over to the cd player that was set on the table so Erik could dance more freely and she turned it off.

* * *

**We can leave your friends behind  
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance  
Well they're no friends of mine**

* * *

"What did you do that for?" asked Erik.

"Yeah, why'd you do that?"

"Because," Christine started to say. "I was sleeping so peacefully, but that didn't last long. No, right when I was starting to feel better you two come back from what ever you were doing and play that gay song!"

The two boys blinked. "That song is not gay!"

"Yeah, you're mom's gay!"

"What are you talking about Erik?"

"Come on, Raoul," said Erik. "Let's go find some where fun to dance."

"Yeah. It's too bad that these safety gloves don't work around Christine. It works everywhere else. Let's go somewhere it works."

"Yeah, Christine keeps putting out our candles of happiness. She sucks."

Christine watched them dance out the front door. "What are they doing wearing condoms on there arms?" Christine asked herself. "Where did they get those? Oh fuck their mine! And they're wasting them!"

"Erik, Raoul, get back here!" she screamed, chasing after them.

* * *

**Is it safe to dance, oh is it safe to dance  
Is it safe to dance**

* * *

**Don't ask where that came from. I don't even know. Review, flame, do which ever you please. Yes, I know it's stupid, but it's for my beloved beta. Good-bye everyone. And remember, if you are going out dancing, wear condoms. They might just save your life.**

**With Love,**

**CT**


End file.
